Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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