if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
