that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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