its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
