me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
