We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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