Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
