she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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