You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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