i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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