My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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