She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
