you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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