In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
