Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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