fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
