my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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