Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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