I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
