That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize