i jhust puked up my retainher.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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