Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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