It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
