is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
