We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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