I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
