btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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