well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
