He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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