and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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