sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
