This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
