im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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