Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize