I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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