I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
