I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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