I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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