I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
