I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
