it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
