this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize