just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Come on in and take your pants off
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
