dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Even my vagina gasped.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
