dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
