I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
