tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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