You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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