You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
