We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
