So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
