end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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