He told me they were just razor bumps!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
