No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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