The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
