hell yes lets make some ravioli
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
