i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
