i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
