i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
