These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
