Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
