Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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