Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
