She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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