whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
