I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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