the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
