Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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